


Dear Evan Hansen,

by TonyStarkx



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Anxiety is metioned, Connor Murphy - Out of Character, M/M, This is my contribution to the fandom, he isn't like he usually is at all, like honestly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-10
Updated: 2017-12-10
Packaged: 2019-02-13 01:51:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12973101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TonyStarkx/pseuds/TonyStarkx
Summary: Evan has a different day and writes one of his Dear Evan Hansen letters about it.





	1. Chapter 1

_ ‘ Dear Evan Hansen,  _

 

_ Today, today was different.  _

 

_ Well, it wasn’t that different actually, if anything, it was a perfectly normal, boring, miserable day by all standards. I woke up, mom was sleeping because she’s working the late shifts again, I got ready and headed to school. Totally normal, right? Jared was a major arse today and he said something to me that at the time really got to me, but now it just doesn’t seem important or like a good enough reason to freak. I guess, I don’t know, I panicked and just had to escape for awhile. Anyway, by school there are these woods with so many tree’s and that seemed better than hiding in the toilets so I went there but, apparently I wasn’t the only person who thought going into the woods on a cold day was a good idea. I just needed to leave the school and I did, eventually finding a decent place to sit, however when I got there Connor Murphy was sitting there. Pen attached to his notebook, scribbling down words like he was running out of time and instead of turning around and leaving the first thing I do is blurt out…’ _

 

“Is that blood?” Connor’s head shot up, notebook nearly falling to the ground with the speed. He looked up at Evan for a moment before his eyes narrowed into a glare, that was enough for the anxiety Evan was trying to escape from to rise back up. “What?” He snapped as he slammed the book shut before stuffing it and the pen into his bag. “S-sorry, I didn’t m-” Evan began to stutter out, causing Connor, who had no patience at the moment to snap once more, “I didn’t ask for an apology, I asked what?” Evan began to fidget with the hem out his shirt, eyes cast downwards to avoid looking at Connor and embarrassing himself further. “Right, sorry, you’re bleeding.” He stated this time rather than asked, his voice rather steady considering how anxious he felt about this entire exchange. Connor raised an eyebrow, which went unnoticed by Evan, before replying, “yeah, I am. You should see the other guy.” 

 

_ ‘I didn’t know at the time that the other guy didn’t sport any bruises or injuries and here Connor Murphy sat with a bleeding and busted lip. Connor Murphy to me was a mystery, sure I knew the rumours and what Jared had to say about him, but how true were rumours most of the time? Had anybody ever gotten to know the real Connor? I don’t know what possessed me to do it, I was trying to run away from my anxiety and well, somehow I ended up taking a seat, leaning against the tree opposite to where Connor sat. _

 

“Hansen, right?” Connor asked as he tried to figure out why Evan had decided to sit with him. Evan quickly nodded and took a deep breathe, “yeah, Evan Hansen.” “Well then Hansen, how’d you break your arm?” Evan paled slightly, which Connor immediately picked up on, he should just go, it wasn’t worth the anxiety and yet he found himself unable to stand and he was answering Connor without even registering it, which probably explained why it was stutter free and his voice was surprisingly steady. “I worked as a park ranger, one day I decided to climb a tree and well I fell from it and,” Evan gestured down to his cast covered arm, a small blush decorating his cheeks which only grew when Connor let out a loud laugh, Evan was surprised that the laugh wasn’t mocking him, but Connor being genuinely amused. “Hansen, that is the saddest fucking thing I’ve ever heard.” He laughed with a small smirk, causing a shy smile to play on Evan’s lips. “Nobody’s signed your cast?” Connor noticed once he’d stopped laughing. “I um, no, no they haven’t.” Before Evan had finished his sentence Connor had whipped out a sharpie and grinned, “I’ll sign it.” Evan quickly agreed and held out his broken arm, watching in slight horror as Connor wrote his name across the entire cast. Once Connor had finished Evan pulled his arm back, running a hand over the cast before saying, “Great. Thanks.” Connor just rolled his eyes, smirking as he told Evan, “this way, we can pretend we have friends.”

 

_ ‘He had a point. Neither of us were doing amazingly well on the friend front. I guess, playing pretend didn’t sound horrifically bad, though he could have written a little smaller on the cast. Hell, it doesn’t even bother me that much but once I got home mom noticed it immediately, though it did distract her from shouting at me because I didn’t go to lessons and school called her. But that’s ahead of the story I’m telling now. Connor Murphy was confusing, in school he seemed so angry, so at war with everyone, including himself, but then just sat against the trees not giving a damn about what the rest of the world was doing, Connor Murphy seemed relaxed. The anxiety left to as we began talking more, never going too deep into conversation just keeping it light. Connor’s favourite colour is yellow, though there was a threat that if I told anyone the broken arm would seem harmless. Who would I tell, though? I ditched school about halfway through the day and spent the rest of the afternoon with him and even now as I type these very words, my eyes flicker down to his name on my cast as confirmation that this was real. It was when mom started to call that we realised that it had actually gotten pretty late.’ _

 

“Fuck man!” Connor managed to get out in between his laughing, Evan was no better as he sat slumped against the tree letting out his own set of laughs. It was the ringing of a phone that made the pair sit up and try and calm themselves down, “sorry, it’s my mom.” Evan giggled as he answered the phone, Connor’s quiet laughs could still be heard as Evan tried to calm himself though he quickly sobered up when he heard what his mom had to say. “Evan Hansen! First, I get a phone call from the school saying you haven’t shown up to any of your afternoon classes and then you miss your therapy session! I want a good reason as to what is going on today, mister! If you are not home within the next twenty minutes you’ll be in trouble.” Before Evan could even begin to stutter up a reply his mom had already hung up the phone, slowly he moved it away from his ear and looked at Connor who smirked. “You’re majorly fucked then.” He chuckled as Evan picked up his bag and stood, Connor following in suit. “Listen Hansen, I had fun. Let’s hang out again sometime?” Connor asked hesitantly, looking anywhere but at Evan. “S-sure, but maybe not when we’re supposed to be in school.” Evan laughed and after a few more departing words, Evan leaving with Connor’s phone number, he made his way home, the small smile never once leaving his face.

 

_ ‘and that, dear friend, is why today had been different. I made a friend and it sort of helped my anxiety, maybe, kind of? It was fun to just have somebody to talk crap with and Connor Murphy really wasn’t what the rumours said.  _

 

_ To conclude, today was a good day because I was myself. I was my own, stuttering mess of a person and I made a friend. A friend who signed my cast big enough so everyone can see it, clear as day. A friend who made my mom happy. It was a good day, I’m good today. _

 

_ Sincerely, your best and most dearest friend, _

 

_ Me.’ _


	2. Sincerely, your best boyfriend, Connor Murphy

_ Dear Evan Hansen,  _

 

_ Today was brilliant! Absolutely brilliant. Connor is here and since I pulled the laptop out to write this letter, I don’t think I’ve stopped blushing, he has this constant need to tell me that it’s cute that I write these letters, even if they did start as a form of therapy. _

 

_ I’m good now. Connor knows the real story behind how I broke my arm that year or so ago and he opened up to me. Turns out we’re more alike than anyone would think, but that’s why we work so well together. Mom’s happy at least, she adores Connor and he doesn’t admit it often but he has a soft spot for her. I found the letter I wrote about how I first met Connor and it was good. Life was good then but it’s great now. Connor still has his days, sometimes he wants to shut himself off from the world and I just have to let him and someday’s he wants nothing more than a hug, I like those days though because we just cuddle on the sofa until he feels better. It’s a two way street though, just because life is great doesn’t mean the anxiety is gone or anything, there are still terrible days. In fact, I had a really bad panic attack the other day and Connor just held me and talked me through it and stayed over at my house that night, it had been awhile since I had a major one.  _

_ Oh yeah, Connor and I are dating now, that’s amazing. Who would have guessed Evan Hansen would be able to get himself a date? It’s safe to say the school was shocked, but screw them. _

 

_ I was rereading a few of these letters the other day, it’s how I stumbled across the one from when I met Connor, and there was one letter that stuck with me. Just a small section of it actually and it made me think how strange it is that things can change so much in just over a year. _

 

_ ‘I wish everything was different. I wish that I was a part of… something. I wish that anything I said… mattered to anyone. I mean, face it: would anybody even notice if I disappeared tomorrow?’  _

 

_ Sometimes I still feel down and sad but now I know, Connor would notice, Zoe would notice, my mom, Jared, Connor’s mom, hell even his dad, they’d all notice I was gone and what I say matters. It might not be many people, but I care about them and they care about me. So yeah, right now as I lay against Connor, writing these words I would not change anything about my life now.  _

 

_ Sincerely, your best and most dearest friend,  _

 

_ Me. _

 

_ P.S - Sorry for stealing your laptop when you went to the bathroom. You’re a part of the strangest relationship in school. You’re a part of a group of people who love and care for you so much and you’re a part of me, Evan Hansen and I’d be pretty fucking pissed if you did do something stupid. I love you. _

 

_ Sincerely, your best boyfriend, _

 

_ Connor Murphy.  _


End file.
